structure

In this era of actual problems - i.e. tornadoes & earthquakes & bloody revolutions - I have a hard time blogging about The Struggle of my day-to-day. It feels more than a little trivial, compared to "What's Really Going On." That said, this is my own little piece of internet, and I feel an expression coming on that is greater than 140 characters...

I have not had a lot of formal structure in my life, but I was blessed somehow with an ability to fumble my way into a method that controls the madness. Before college/Nei-Play, I was an unschooler, or a "self-directed learner" as my pal Blake calls it. (Actually, I highly recommend checking out his latest initiative for the cause of self-educating: Zero Tuition College) Years of unschooling were good prep for freelance artistry, because it was up to me to figure out my education, pursue a high school diploma, get into college, etc. My parents helped, naturally, but I'm a bit of a bossy, so once I figured out I could do it myself, they were cool enough to let me take the reins.

Then, I did the college thing, and I got soft. Someone dictated where I needed to be, and what I needed to do, for the most part. The NP conservatory program was incredibly demanding, and I poured every ounce of my being into my work there. It was so nice.

Thusly once out of structured school, I had to re-teach myself how to...well...exist.

When you're a freelancer, especially in the arts, long periods of unemployment (or semi-employment) can drive you absolutely looney tunes. I know there are people out there who can appreciate a day off, or even more simply, not feel guilty for a day spent watching 30 Rock on Netflix.

I am not one of those people.

A day where I am not required to get out of my pajamas can be more stressful to me than any job, because I will inevitably spend all of said day mentally berating myself for not Being a Success. I have actually had some very Successful days in pajamas, but I have a very short memory when I'm engrossed in a particularly juicy career-based guilt-spiral.

Nowadays, I have a very helpful support structure (i.e. Rusty & Daisy) that I can call upon when in the midst of a mental beat down. Daisy is great at reassuring me that although I only went to yoga and wrote emails today, "you have, until now, just worked for 15 days straight without a break."

I don't think I'll ever be as good as Daisy is at creating Invented Schedules. She's a genius at creating activities to get her out into the world, and make a day that would otherwise be a big yawning nothing into potential networking. My skills are little more internet-y. My favorite thing to do on a particularly useless afternoon is to dig deep into the caverns of Craigslist, Model Mayhem, and the cobwebby nooks in my Gmail inbox for as-yet undiscovered (or forgotten) opportunities. Never underestimate your ancient facebook messages! That early 2009 "what's up" from that guy you knew in the eighth grade could turn out to be just the meeting you needed this week...

It's exciting to me that although I can never stick to a rigid routine, my weird roundabout methods are starting to pay off in career advancement and even American dollars! My refusal to incorporate a Plan B, even in the midst of the economic plague, is not necessarily leaving me a shoeless beggarwoman. I have a savings account now. And a CAR!

So, to other likeminded artsy worrywarts, I say: if you are in your pajamas and you cannot color-code your schedule, stop kicking your own arse. There is plenty of Mean Ol' World to take you down a notch; getting in your own way just adds to the pile of bad vibes. You can follow the path that is in your gut, and it will work out. Keep the faith, yo.

And putting on pants to walk to the store will probably make you feel like less of a Super Lazy, so, there's always that.