the most wonderous of all wonderbras
Okay. I have purchased THE MOST magical bra, ever made, ever. At least for my particular rack. I probably shouldn't talk about it, let alone blog about it, in case that somehow reduces its power. But I MUST. I must share the shocking feeling of walking down the street and suddenly being aware...that I am being watched...by almost everyone.
This bra is also the world's best gay-dar. I am the worst when it comes to making eyes at gay men (because what can I tell you, I like PRETTY, and that shouldn't be a crime), and the bra is a fucking fool proof indicator of sexual orientation.
The thing about this bra is, when I first saw it in Victoria's Secret, I wasn't particularly impressed. It's a decent color - creamy, lacy - with this odd metal clasp in the middle. I looked at the clasp - a little heart shaped thing that didn't close all the way. WTF? I took it to the dressing room with several other options. I didn't think it would be the winner.
Then, when I put it on, I discovered the function of the unclosable clasp.
Cleavage Adjustment.
Fucking brilliant.
So I bought it.
I have yet to put it on a high setting, but it doesn't matter. There's something about the make of it, combined with my body that makes everything...um...bounce. Doesn't matter what shirt I wear. Bounce bounce bounce. It's a little unnerving, all that extra movement in an area that's usually just kinda there. But once I adjust, my walk starts to change a little bit...I stand up a little straighter to accommodate...and then it becomes dangerous to walk through construction areas.
There was a dude sitting in the showroom window of Artistic Tile on 21st street, next to his wife and kids, who made eye contact with me, then the rack, then me again...then grin...I mean, turn around dude, you're buying tiles with your wife! Dude at Chipotle gave me free chips and didn't charge me for my water either. And the street commentary? Classic.
Situation: I am carrying a cup full of Red Mango yogurt for my boss.
Courier/Messenger Boy Comment: Hey mami, that looks mad tasty. So does your ice cream.
Situation: I am in Bank of America
Dude in a Suit: Come here often?
Me: Um, it's the bank.
Dude in a Suit: Yeah, do you come to this one often?
Me: Sure.
Dude in a Suit: So do I. Maybe we'll get to be friends.
Me: Sounds great. (I promptly exit...)
Situation: I am carrying a yoga mat.
Young Thug: Check it out, brah, she's fuckin' flexible too.
Young Thug 2: Nice legs, sexy.
Young Thug: Think of me when you do that upside down shit! I put you upside down too, sexy!
I'm not trying to boast. It's just blowing my mind, man. I mean, my friends - Aussie, Daisy, Judy - THOSE girls have boobs. When I wear a short skirt in my neighborhood, I hear about it, but I'm not really the type that gets hollered at 24-7. So heck. I'm gonna enjoy it.
Me & the wonderbra must take to the streets now...work day is over.
xoxo
M
This bra is also the world's best gay-dar. I am the worst when it comes to making eyes at gay men (because what can I tell you, I like PRETTY, and that shouldn't be a crime), and the bra is a fucking fool proof indicator of sexual orientation.
The thing about this bra is, when I first saw it in Victoria's Secret, I wasn't particularly impressed. It's a decent color - creamy, lacy - with this odd metal clasp in the middle. I looked at the clasp - a little heart shaped thing that didn't close all the way. WTF? I took it to the dressing room with several other options. I didn't think it would be the winner.
Then, when I put it on, I discovered the function of the unclosable clasp.
Cleavage Adjustment.
Fucking brilliant.
So I bought it.
I have yet to put it on a high setting, but it doesn't matter. There's something about the make of it, combined with my body that makes everything...um...bounce. Doesn't matter what shirt I wear. Bounce bounce bounce. It's a little unnerving, all that extra movement in an area that's usually just kinda there. But once I adjust, my walk starts to change a little bit...I stand up a little straighter to accommodate...and then it becomes dangerous to walk through construction areas.
There was a dude sitting in the showroom window of Artistic Tile on 21st street, next to his wife and kids, who made eye contact with me, then the rack, then me again...then grin...I mean, turn around dude, you're buying tiles with your wife! Dude at Chipotle gave me free chips and didn't charge me for my water either. And the street commentary? Classic.
Situation: I am carrying a cup full of Red Mango yogurt for my boss.
Courier/Messenger Boy Comment: Hey mami, that looks mad tasty. So does your ice cream.
Situation: I am in Bank of America
Dude in a Suit: Come here often?
Me: Um, it's the bank.
Dude in a Suit: Yeah, do you come to this one often?
Me: Sure.
Dude in a Suit: So do I. Maybe we'll get to be friends.
Me: Sounds great. (I promptly exit...)
Situation: I am carrying a yoga mat.
Young Thug: Check it out, brah, she's fuckin' flexible too.
Young Thug 2: Nice legs, sexy.
Young Thug: Think of me when you do that upside down shit! I put you upside down too, sexy!
I'm not trying to boast. It's just blowing my mind, man. I mean, my friends - Aussie, Daisy, Judy - THOSE girls have boobs. When I wear a short skirt in my neighborhood, I hear about it, but I'm not really the type that gets hollered at 24-7. So heck. I'm gonna enjoy it.
Me & the wonderbra must take to the streets now...work day is over.
xoxo
M
posted by Maggie Moon at
1:02 PM
1 Comments:
I WANT ONE
i also want this sticky bra that my little sister told me about that she got from wallmart that has clips en centre, which when put together, give the old upandup cleavage (pronounced clee-vah-ge) effect.
yes
by the way, mags. i caved. i have a blog. it's totally anonymo but yeah. you might enjoy it.
hellspeach.blogspot.com
MWA!
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